Huge Fuckin’ Sunflower
Introduction:
When I was a boy the folks in the house down the street had a huge fuckinā sunflower in front of their house.
I thought that huge fuckinā sunflower was the cats pajamas.
I donāt remember if I asked my mom if we could have a huge fuckinā sunflower
Iām sure I wanted a huge fuckinā sunflower in front of our house
But we never had one.
Now Iām forty six years old. Iāve got well trimmed mutton chop Vegas era Elvis sideburns and a cherry red 1976 Monte Carlo Landau with a 350 OHV V-8
Iāve never had a huge fuckinā sunflower in front of my house.
Mostly, Iāve lived in places where I didnāt really have any say whatsoever in the decisions pertaining to landscaping.
Living in apartment buildings – boarding houses – flop house – drunk tanks.
Now Iām forty six years old and I have a front yard to plant a huge fuckinā sunflower in.
My wife doesnāt want a huge fuckinā sunflower.
She says it will attract bees.
Sheās a cunt about that but sheāll make a fine beef brisket
Slow cooked with potatoes carrots parsnips garlic and herbs
Sheāll roasts that puppy about forty five minutes per pound of brisket
Smells the whole house up
The house with no huge fuckinā sunflower in front.
Sheās a strumpet who thinks Jesus is going to damn me to hell if I donāt repent
Sheāll toss my salad but she wonāt let me plant a huge fuckinā sunflower in front of the house.
Sheāll go on a 3 day green tea fast and break it with a burger and 5 big ears of corn on the cob.
Then Sheāll squat romantically over me as I lay on the floor supine holding a clear glass bowl over my head.
Iāll watch breathlessly as her anus parts with an audible āploopā and a glistening corny baby ruthish turd slowly slides out of her now gaping anus with a wet crackly sound.
The steamy corn encrusted turd plops into the aforementioned clear glass bowl I am holding over my head as I lie flat prone supine on the floor thus allowing myself the best possible view of her gaping anus as it pushes forth the corny poop like a shy turtle head peaking out into an August dewy morn.
But she wonāt let me plant a huge fuckinā sunflower in front of the house.
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